Webbijbel
Gert-Jan Van Zanten
SINGLE MOMS,
I NEVER PROMISED YOU A ROSE GARDEN
Written by: Joanna Beckley
Ah, such a catchy tune. Everyone longs for an easier life, but being
a single mom surely carrying additional problems that can seemingly
be overpowering by the end of the day. God has always been a
defender of the fatherless, the widows and the strangers, Psalm
68:5. So one might ask, what help can I offer from the Scriptures
that will help the ever growing number of unmarried mothers, whether
they are widows, divorced, or fornicators who have hopefully,
prayerfully, repented.
Whether a mother is single or married, the commands and guidelines
from God for motherhood are the same. But, God did not design
children to be raised by mothers alone. The strengths he gave to
fathers and mothers are specific and both are necessary for the
well-being of our children. A mother cannot replace a father, nor
can a father replace a mother. When a woman is forced by
circumstances to physically provide for her family, it will limit
her ability to nurture as God intends. She cannot offer the same
protection, identity, and security a father can provide. She cannot
supply the male role in the family that every son and daughter
needs, nor can they see her example of submission to her husband.
She can and must lead, but her leadership will hinder foundational
principles that lead her children to respect their heavenly Father’s
authority.
It is of critical importance that a single mother recognize her
limitations and seek godly ways to try and compensate. She alone
must carry the primary goal to train her children to serve God so
that one day they will inherit eternal life.
Let us consider the excellent guidance the Bible holds for single or
married moms.
Titus 2:4 “that aged women likewise be reverent in demeanor, not
slanderers nor enslaved to much wine, teachers of that which is
good; that they may train the young women to love their husbands, to
love their children, to be sober-minded, chaste, workers at home,
kind, being in subjection to their own husbands, that the word of
God be not blasphemed.”
When we take part in the act of bringing children into the world,
God expects us to accept responsibility for their care. It is not
the government’s responsibility, nor is it primarily the
grandmother’s or a baby sitter’s. Before we can even address
specific areas of concern we have to face our responsibility as a
mother to love our children. This love will encompass their
physical, emotional, moral, and spiritual health.
Eph 6:4 “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath,
but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
The father in the family is commanded to bring up his children in
the nurture and admonition of the Lord. But if the father is absent
can the mother renounce her responsibility to pick up the reins? NO!
Just as God commended Abraham because he trained his children to
keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice (Gen
18:19) a mother must also teach the following pivotal goals to her
children:
1.
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart” (Mark 12:30).
This love is learned by observing the mother’s love, the tenderness
and mercy she demonstrates toward her children. They will learn to
talk to the Lord, and include Him in their own plans because their
mother does so. They will find joy in reading the Bible because mom
shares her own joy. They will see her faith and trust in God. They
will know Jesus because Jesus knows their mom.
2. “You shall love your neighbour as yourself” (Mark 12:31). Mom,
are you confident in yourself, your God-given value, so that you can
teach the same within your children? Are you understanding and
caring about the feelings of others? (And these “others” include
caring about the feelings of your children.) Are your children
learning not to be selfish and demanding? Are you loving others so
that your tongue reflects that love, without gossiping or
criticizing others? Your children are listening. . . .
3. “Teach me to do your will; for you are my God” (Psalm 143:10).
Children must learn absolute immediate obedience to you, their
mother. If you do not require this of your children how will they
later be obedient to God? Do your children obey you in public,
including during worship services? Requiring obedience teaches your
children to appreciate God’s nature–love and justice. Learning
obedience teaches your children the meaning of sin and its
consequences. By the same token, don’t forget that love demands
expressions of appreciation, commendation, and encouragement
wherever appropriate.
4. “Fear God and keep his commandments: for this is the whole of
man” (Ecclesiastes 12:13). Mom, are you truthful and honest? In
return, you must demand the same from your children. This quality is
absolutely critical in developing your children’s love for God and
retaining respect for you their mother. How careful are you in
keeping God’s commandments? You cannot train your children in what
you do not do. Help your children to value their conscience, which
has been trained by you. In teaching values, think seriously about
how you speak of money (or the lack thereof) compared to the focus
you give to your Father in heaven.
5. “But the fruit of the Spirit is. . . self-control” (Galatians
5:22-23). Mom, do you control your anger? Keep your promises? Use
your money wisely? The list is endless where self-control must be
practiced. If you do not control yourself, how will your children
learn? If you do not, you, like any father, will soon fail in the
Lord’s command and abuse your power as a parent, Eph 6:4. Are your
children learning to work and carry responsibility? Are they
learning the difference between self-worth and pride? Are they
learning to bow in reverence before God?
Single mothers, these are tough requirements that are normally
shared by the father and the mother. You do not have that benefit.
Whatever choices you make in solving the day by day problems in
rearing your children, your solutions must be based on your primary
goal to train your children to “keep the way of the Lord, to do
righteousness and justice”. If you are forced to place young
children in the care of others, don’t excuse yourself by making a
financial choice over and above your primary goal. Consideration of
what your children are learning from others must always take
priority over seeking a solution to your financial problems.
Rose gardens are expensive commodities in this life. No one is
exempt from facing the trials while living on this earth, our
temporary abode. I am confident that when we give our lives to
Jesus, he will give us what we need to face whatever comes our
way–including being a single mom.
2Co 3:4-5 “And we have such trust through Christ toward God. Not
that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being
from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God.”
Blessed are the Mothers who love God, for their children shall
not be ignorant of their Creator and His plans concerning them.
Blessed are the Mothers who love the word of God, for their
children shall know of the way, the truth and the life.
Blessed are the Mothers who love the house of God, for their
children shall enter there and sit with them in the presence of God.
Blessed are the Mothers who love to pray, for their children
shall feel the power of prayer and many shall find salvation.
Blessed are the Mothers who love to give to the cause of Christ,
for their children shall become supporters of the Kingdom of God.
Blessed are the Mothers who love the family altar, for they
shall have their reward in this world and in the world to come.
Blessed are the Mothers who love to speak kind words to their
neighbor’s children, for thereby they shall win
other boys and girls besides their own to Jesus Christ.
Blessed are the Mothers who love to be companions to their
children, for they shall be called understanding Mothers.
Blessed are the Mothers who love to fight life’s battles
bravely with a strong and steadfast faith in God,
for their children shall know where to find strength in time of
need.
Blessed are the Mothers who, when they are old and gray,
can look back upon memory’s wall with no regret and can say,
“I brought my children up in the fear of the Lord.”
Theirs are the mansions in glory.
–Author unknown–
